Don’t Change Yourself.

Ever been the outsider in something? Say school, or sports teams? Not being the  best or have the best most expensive clothes?Well i have. There’s  that group of girls at school that are all popular with the boyfriends and expensive clothes. All have IPhones and the nice bodies. They walk by you in the hall and just stare at you.Secretly judging you.But yet its not really a secret cause the looks the give you then wispier to there friend and start laughing.Its not the first time this has happened more like the billionth.Its obvious they said something about you.Maybe its your clothes? Or the way you put your hair? Or even its because your not wearing makeup. It could even be that they know stuff about you. You never have had sex, done drugs, or drank. You don’t know which one it is.it could be none of those things. But yet you go home. take some of your older sisters clothes and makeup. Go to sleep that night thinking if this is going to work, will I be accepted? Have a place to sit at lunch? The next morning you put on her hottest clothes, put on layers of makeup. You even burn yourself a good five times from trying to straighten your hair. So you get to school, walking in the halls to your locker. You get a few stares, but there good ones. Did this work? You secretly smile to yourself. You get to your locker and putting your books away  you see the same group of girls. Look at you. Stare. laugh. And walk away like i was just a joke. I thought it would work… It didn’t. You walk home crying that Friday night. Go lay down in bed and remember there’s that big party that everyone’s going to. Its at the most popular guy in schools house. His names Jake hes the quarterback of the football team. He lives right down the street from you but you guys never talk. This time you put on even more makeup and slutty clothes. Curl you hair, Or at least try to. Sneak out all because you hope you will be accepted. You go to the party thinking just being there will help people gain respect for you. But people don’t even notice who you are and don’t care. They walk up to you a put a cup of beer in your hand and start dancing. Before you noticed you have had five beers and you being a lightweight your already drunk. That night you get tangled up with the wrong guy and get up to some stuff you shouldn’t have. You had sex that night and everyone would find out. You got drunk and everyone would be talking about it at school for the next week. That Monday you go to school walking in with hot clothes, makeup on, and hair done. Some of the boys hit on you and slap your ass. Your start to think things are turning up for you just because people are giving you attention.You start hanging out with all the bad boys. Eat with them at lunch and start getting this new attitude to you. Going from a straight A student, never getting in trouble, always nice to people. To now a straight C student who gets drunk every weekend, having sex with guys you don’t even know. Being mean to people. You find yourself giving girls stares like you were given. Mean ones and start laughing. Just cause there still virgins. Never had alcohol or drugs. Making them feel like you did. You changed yourself from girl who was a smart student to a bad ass who drinks and has sex every weekend. Just because you wanted to fit in with the popular group. You felt different so you changed! You became a whole new person just because people made you feel like an outsider!So you changed how  you were for them! You don’t have to change you for someone else just because your different. Everyone’s different, weather its the skin color to the eye color, personality. Don’t change yourself to fit some one else image of you. Make yourself to fit your image and to be who you want. Because there’s people out there who are like you. They play guitar or loving acting and are in drama club. There are ways to put yourself out there and make friends. Put yourself out there by sitting with someone different at lunch. Or someone in band, they have something in common with you. But yourself out there in good ways. Moral of this story is to not let someone else’s image of you define you. Don’t let someone change you. Stay true to you. Because being you in better then being a fake bitch.

-Emily Fleming

The Forest Of Hell

Going through something that you struggle very much with is hard. It can be something like bulling or parents divorce. Anything the upsets you and can bring you to tears is a struggle. But what i’m talking about it something thats on going. Something that you cant get rid of. Its always there lurking around. never really goes away. You stay up all night crying about it. Not wanting to go to sleep cause you know that once you lay there you will think and think and think about it. Think about it until you cry yourself to sleep. 

 

It’s like walking in the forest at night, it’s pitch dark. as your walking it’s just darkness. No light at the end that u can see. You can’t go back because that’s all the shit you left behind. So you keep walking. Keep going through everything by yourself. Because last I checked no one wants to walk in that dark forest with you. Maybe if you were walking though and there was some light, some hope. Then they would. But it’s too dark, too scary. Too much unknown for them. So you walk alone in the forest of hell. There’s nothing you can do besides just keep walking. So you keep walking. 

 

The Real Meaning of Beauty.

One of the things I hate most is when someone says their ugly. Or even someone else saying another person is ugly. No one on the face on this earth is ugly. Even if you wanted to be you couldn’t. Because there something beautiful in everyone. Maybe not looks but what about their heart. You can’t tell someone there ugly, because you don’t know there heart. Someone’s heart has so many unique features to them. Whether it’s the way they think or their view on life. You know you’re beautiful when you’re not afraid of people looking into your heart and seeing the way you think. Or seeing what you think of people. Cause that information does not lay in your brain for it’s in your own heart. There’s a big difference on thinking your beautiful and knowing it. be proud of yourself. Be proud that you have a funny laugh, because no one else has that laugh. No one else smiles that same way you do. Because you’re UNIQUE! You are beautiful in your own way. Inside and out. Beauty does not lie where your makeup does. Beauty is not the way you put your hair. For that is being pretty. Beauty lies within, within your heart. You are beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you different. 

My Story In a Nutshell

 There’s always going to that light at the end of the tunnel. I had to find it myself. I have had a rough life so far. I’m only fourteen years old. But yet I had to grow up by the age of about 11 to keep my younger sister safe from my mean dad and step mom. It was me and Madison my older sister and Asia who was about 7 in that broken down house that was in a very unsafe neighborhood. They didn’t treat us well at all. Going a few days without food and harsh things said to us. Yes it was very hard to keep going in life. Thinking if that was all there was in life.  I felt like I was rotting away in there. Not physically but me as my personality. I didn’t really smile or laugh in that house. I had a dark thought to be. See before all that I was a happy outgoing person. A person who would welcome anyone in with open arms and a warm heart. When I was there it was as if I covered my heart with barbed wire and put fences up. All the energy was drained from my face. I didn’t have my glow to me that I had before. I gained everything back from the about year and a half I have been away from that place. Yea I guess it was good to leave but there was a very hard thing I had to do before I could leave. Saying goodbye to my little sister Asia. She’s living with her real dad in a good home now but I haven’t talked to her or seen her since. Asia’s dad won’t let me speak to her. But its ok all I need to know to put a smile on my face is to know she’s out of that place they called home.

Recovery

I smile again. I laugh again. Seeing other people happy makes me happy. It’s like I’m the old me. The person I was before I was in that place. But I’m the improved person. I am so proud of Madison and I that we didn’t give up. Healing yourself and your heart is difficult. But I didn’t say it’s going to be easy I’m just saying it’s going to be worth it.

Step 1.

See the good in things. I was watching a video on Zach Sobiech My Last Days. Him and his mom were at his sisters basketball game and his mom points out number 11 and said,” She has a funny run.” And Zach says,” Yea but she’s really good at this this and this.” He pointed out all the things she was good at. Not the things that was funny or bad about her. I’m not saying do that to everyone you see but don’t focus on the bad things about people and say school. Ugh schools so boring, I hate it. Yea but you’re being educated on the world you live on. Learning things about stuff you won’t learn anywhere else. Find the positives in things.

Step 2.

Surround yourself with nothing but good people. People who have a smile on their face mostly all the time. Because a person who is trying to heal needs people who can help them.  Who can cheer them up and help that person stay positive. So find a good group of people or family who is genuine.

 Step 3.

Protect yourself. This might be a little hard to follow so try to stay with me. When I say protect yourself I’m not saying close up and guard your heart with fences and wire. But when someone says something mean don’t take such offence to it. Your heart s such a precious thing you can’t let someone hurt it so easily. I guess a good way to say it is to put a fence around your heart. But a nice white picket fence with a gate to let the good things and people in but to keep the bad things out.

 

 Remember that light at the end of the tunnel? It’s there, I might be hard to see but it’s there trust me. God says everything will be ok in the end, so if it’s not ok then it’s not the end. In times it will feel like it’s the end, that there’s nothing better. But you are or were living how I was. Get out of there. No one on the face of the earth deserves to be mistreated. Because everyone has something special to them that should be protected. Live your life to the fullest and never settle for less than you vision of perfection. If your image of perfection is being a doctor living in LA, then don’t stop until you get there. Don’t settle for something that is not what you want in life. Be happy. It’s your life control it and love it. you never know how much time you have here so spend that time being happy and making others happy.

Confidence.

Confidence is a hard thing to get, but once you fully have it, most likely you will have it for a while. To me confidence should come from you and not others. You see confidence is how you feel about yourself. Or I guess so to say how much you like yourself. I’m going to make this short and sweet; your life is only so long. Don’t waste that time seeing the negatives about yourself. Then there will be some people who say,” There’s nothing good about me.”  If you say that then I guess I know you better then you know yourself because I know there’s something good to you. Weather your good at a sport or writing.  There’s always something. I know there’s something good about you even if I don’t with know you. We as people spend so much time with other people at school, work, sport stuff, and even hanging out with friends we forget about ourselves. We lose us. So I dare you to spend time with yourself. I dare you to get to know yourself. Find other things you like or are good at. I bet you, you know other people better then you know yourself. Because if there’s nothing you can find that’s good about yourself, your wrong. Because there is. You just have to find it. Don’t listen to what everyone else says because if it’s mean then it doesn’t matter. You have something good about yourself. Trust me.

Walls of Pain.

The walls stand between us

We can break them down if we wanted to

But I don’t

I don’t think you want to either

You keep your distance

Never talk to me

I like it like that

When you do talk to me

I’m in a box

The walls start caving in the more you talk

Your voice brings a sharp pain to not me ears

But my heart

Piercing through like a knife

Once I have had enough

I start flooding the box with tears

I feel like I’m going die

But sadly I’m not

You keep coming and your words keep hurting

I tell you I have enough

You get even madder

Go head hit me

I bet you would

You want to

You start getting stressed

Upset

You’re yelling

I’m scared

Crying

Leave me alone

You leave me

Again

But you forget to take me out of the box

You leave me and I’m still in my pool of tears

Even when you’re gone I’m still hurting

You damaged me

I can’t be fixed

I’m broken

“You can’t be m…

“You can’t be mad at yourself for things that are out of your control.”